"Do you have a code for the wee-fee?" ask many as they enter the front door.
Indeed we do and this is free, for up to an hour.
You may 'phone your mom, to say that you are safe, and update your 200 friends on Facebook.
There is also a call box and World Call cards for purchase. No, I do not earn a commission.
I don't know how much it will cost you. Where are you 'phoning? How long will you speak?
"I dunno. A minute, maybe."
Card inserted. Number dialled.
"Yo, mon, it's yo bitch. Whadya mean, which one?"
Next call from the queue.
"Hi Mom. Yes, I'm safe. Where's dad? Please put him on."
"Oh, hi, Dad. Yes, I am safe. I'm here in Joh'burg, remember. Where's Sal?"
More minutes later.
"In the bathroom? OK. Tell her I say hi. Is Jeremy there? Don't worry, I'll hold.
Even more minutes.
"When, he gets back, tell him I say hi. Is that Rover barking in the background?
Please put him on."
"Hello, Rove, how are you, my big boy? I miss you loads. Woof Woof."
"Oh, hello Sal, what were you doing? That's disgusting!"
"Hello, Helloo, Hellooo."
I am given the evil eye: "Phone calls here are so expensive. I only spoke for a minute."