I saw a site - Difficult Guests: Please send us your contributions.
Not demented or destructive, just damn difficult.
I naturally assumed, I had heard and seen it all, until I met Maya.
Maya made a booking with the message - Please be there to collect me when I arrive at the airport.
Flight details would be nice, but I received no response to my mail.
The 'phone rings, and so it begins.
"I have been waiting here for over an hour!"
Steven arranges to meet Maya at Terminal A and confirms her mobile number.
Five minutes later, Maya: "I have now been waiting at Terminal B for another half an hour." Different number.
When Maya arrives she kicks off her shoes and drops her luggage at the entrance.
"I am very ill. Where is my room? Please bring my luggage."
The following morning, I am presented with a list of her requirements.
1. Seed-loaf Bread. 2. Camomile Tea. 3. Herbal Shampoo. 4. Cabernet Cheese. 5. Biltong.
"We don't provide this," I say, aghast.
"Oh, you don't. Well, I am not well. I have decided to book for another night, and I am paying for this."
"Unfortunately, there is another booking for your room tonight. The guests specifically requested the 'Pool View'.
"Pool View. There is no pool here. Come, come, show me."
I open the curtains.
"Oh, there it is. I also booked the room with the pool view. You'll have to make other arrangements with your guests. Remember, I am ill, and I am not moving!"
The other guests, bless them, were understanding and accommodating. As I was searching for the pen Maya, again:
"I am using the pen. You'll just have to find another one. I am sure your guests won't mind waiting. Remember, I am ill!!"