Where You Here?

Terrylin, was inundated with guests this past weekend attending a Health Seminar at Emporer's Palace.

As each one entered, there was thunderous applause with whistling, back-slapping and clapping. But, there was still time for questions...

1. Three young men after a week at the Kruger.

"We have so many questions that weren't answered to our satisfaction. What do lions eat? And, why do they sit down? And, why, when we wanted to go back to the camp, others wanted to stay?"

2. "I booked a dorm bed. Why do I have to share the room with others? You didn't tell me that you had other bookings!"

3. "Come and sit outside with me while I smoke. Do you look after your health? We only have one body, you know."

4. "You have to drink this herbal tea. It takes away headaches and stress. You look as though you need it.""

5. "The fridge is filled with everyone else's alcohol. Where can I put mine?"

6. "Why didn't you fetch me from the airport? I e-mailed that I might need a transfer but I wasn't sure. I also didn't know what time I would be landing, but I thought, you would be there anyway."

7. "I am a born-again Christian. What about you? I noticed your bookcase needs more books from CUM. Take mine. I can always get more."

8. "I have been taking these products for 5 years. (Clap-clap. Back-Slap) Let me show you my file. See all the weight I've lost. I am 63, and the fittest bugger on the planet."

9. "I met a few mates at Emporer's. They say it is so expensive. Could you find some extra beds, so they can sleep here? It is only for one night."

10. "I assumed that because there are so many of us you would fry us eggs for breakfast. White bread once it is injested, alters from starch to sugar."

11. "Don't fret yourself. If you want white bread, I brought plenty along."

12. "Your domestic has arrived. Do you know that you have to pay her double because it's Sunday?"

13. "Did you receive my towel? I had it posted from a hostel in Cape Town? This is very important to me. It travels with me, wherever I go, but I keep on leaving it behind.

And, this morning, there it was...

'Phone rings. Number 8.

"I seem to have misplaced my file. Do you see it? Or do you think someone has taken it?"