Lest We Forget

When guests say: "Bye, bye, tootle doo, see you again," I ask them to check if they have left anything behind.

They dart back and forth, no, they have everything and then the calls and e-mails arrive.

The 'phone rings twice. Moments later, it rings again.

"This is Beth. We stayed there last night. Something terrible has happened!"

"Oh no," I breathe.

"I sent you a missed call. Why didn't you 'phone me back? Anyway, my boyfriend left his wallet in the wardrobe. Please could you see if you can find it?"

I cannot find the wallet and "hello, hello", into the 'phone.

Silence.

Tring, tring.

"Did you find it? I couldn't hold on for ever. This is costing me money. Now, this is what I want you to do. Do you have a pen and paper? I want you to deposit the cash into this account, and then post the wallet to this address."

The 'phone goes dead. Then rings again.

"Why you not call me back? I am a backpacker. My boyfriend found his wallet but we are looking for his passport."

Now I am trying to get the place cleaned when the 'phone rings again.

"We found the wallet but I left my jacket there. I am cold. I am about to board. Bring my jacket to the airport in five minutes."

"I am so sorry," I say, "but my Lear Jet is not available at the moment."

The 'phone rings AGAIN.

"I have organised a courier to fetch my jacket this week or next week. I told them that you are always there so please don't leave the place at all."

A new guest: "Some-one has left a jacket in the wardrobe, and I would like to use that hanger because it is pink."

"What would you like to hang?" I ask.

"A pink scarf," she replies.