Is This for Real?

The 'phone rings: "I would like to speak to the owner?"

"You can speak to me. I am the owner."

"No, the real owner."

"I am the real owner."

"How many times must I explain that I want the real owner? Clearly you have no idea how to run a business. I don't do business with a woman. I'll get my boss to ring you.

Ten minutes later his wife calls.

I received an e-mail from Ghana.

I would like to book in the dorm room for four nights. These are children aged from 18 months to 11 years. I will not be there. This is what I require.

1.) The baby has an allergy to milk and will only drink skim, name supplied. This needs to be provided. As well as diapers.

2.) Three of the children are sickly, and the 11 year old will provide a prescription for their medication.

3.) There was also an attachment, listing what they will and will not eat.This was itemised under breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

4.) Finally, there was a bath time schedule, television viewing to be strictly monitored, and a speedy reply was requested as to what, I had in mind, for their entertainment?

Another e-mail - Hi. I am at the airport. Please collect me. Yasbek@yahoo.

And another. I will arrive at midnight. Could you organise a tour of the Apartheid Museum at that time. And, I would like dinner there on arrival.

A booking, with a message.

I saw all your rooms are non-smoking. I would like one that smokes.

Father and son return from Gold Reef City close to midnight.

Dad: "Brandon barfed all over the car. I cannot return it like this in the morning. I need you to clean this. Here are my keys."

In the morning: "I see you did not clean the car. I have a good mind to give you a bad review."

Me: "There's a car wash at the airport."

Dad: "But, I will have to pay for that. You really should be more attentive to your guests."