Our First Guests

When I was still naïve, I allowed the following:


At 2 am, two ladies arrive and ask to do an inspection of the rooms both speaking at the same time.

Once the momentous decision has been made I call them to reception.

After 15 minutes, another decision is made of which credit card to use. Five are declined.

"We are sooo tired. Why can't we just pay in the morning?" one asks

"Can you cook us some meat and eggs, now. We are sooo hungry," asks the other.

"It is 3am," I reply. You can have a light breakfast in the morning."

"But, can we order dinner now? Please call someone as we would like to see Johannesburg and Soweto tomorrow."

At the breakfast table: "Where are the meat and eggs?"

"At the supermarket," I reply.

"Did you forget to organise the tour?"

After an hour long discussion I make the boooking. The guide is on his way.

"Will there be an interpreter?"

"Please cancel the tour. We do not have any money. Please call a taxi."

Four calls later - the time changes from now, to just now, to now-now, to later.

Steven then steps in and confirms that the taxi is on its way.

"You are so unkind. We can change our minds as often as we like." They grin at each other.

Then I am followed around.

"Is this a fridge, no?"

"Is this a microwave oven, no?"

"Is this a swimming pool in the back garden, no?"

"Is these posters of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley on the walls, yes."

"No, that's Steven and me," I reply. They look at me as though I am mad.

"We are going to report you to the Tourism Department."

But not before I report them to the Mental Health Department.