My Holiday

Aimee invited me on an all expenses paid four day holiday to Mt. Edgecombe, Umhlanga.

As I have not been on holiday in thirteen years, unlike y'all, this was big!

Yo.

Steven told me to go, I deserve the break, he said, but to show him "what I actually do around here besides sitting at the computer all day."

"Don't worry about the cleaning. Anybody can make a bed and vacuum. Just show me how to 'block-off' a new booking."

Steven pulls up a chair and we begin with the inbox. There are enquiries from SafariNow and TravelGround. I tell him to click on the link. Off he goes clicking left and right. I ask him to have some patience. He tells me he doesn't have any.

Ok, he doesn't move the mouse over the screen, but dramatically decides he is going to throw it in the bin.

"Guests don't have mouses when they come here. Why do you put up with this shit?"

And, so we begin...

"Why can I only see half the page?" He asks. "And, didn't Byron tell you to use the same username and password for all of them?"

"All the passwords are stored with the sites. Here, you only need to click once."

"No, I will save these on my 'phone, just in case."

Steven loads Booking.Com and Agoda. Then while loading HostelWorld deletes Booking.Com.

"Ok, that's enough now. I'm tired. What are you doing now?"

"Sending new photo's. Could I show you how to upload, drop and drag, copy and paste?"

Four long days later the 'plane lands and I switch on my mobile. Four missed calls from Steven.

"Do we have any bookings for the next four days? The 'phone never stops ringing and there are people at the gate."

"The bookings for the next two months are pinned on the notice board. The rest are in the file that I showed you."

Day One. "There are messages here from SafariNow and TravelGround. You never showed me this."

Day Two. "Someone wants an invoice. You never showed me this either."

Day Three. "I waited up all last night. The guests didn't show. How do I debit their account? And, I asked Beatrice to come in and make the beds and clean."

Day Four. "You have messages here. You have won millions of dollars. And, a lady from Russia would like to meet you. And, someone from Nigeria has had all his money stolen, and he would like you to help him. And, inland revenue owes you money, but they need your banking details and password?"

"Where do I click to reply? Is it left or right? And, how many times?"

Other than that, my holiday with Aimee was awesome.

Do Lonely Women Ask for It?

*Sarie du Plessis checked-in and wanted to pay: "Immediately, so that nothing would go wrong."

Her husband, Eddie Winfrey, was returning from the UK, after six months, but she would be returning home, after he had settled in.

"Please make sure that everything is perfect. I will bring platters of snacks and cakes, this afternoon."

Sarie arrived later with her blind poodle - "He won't be a problem, I promise."

"Please confirm the flight arrival times," which changed from Reunion to KLM. "These are night arrivals," I told her, "so there is still plenty of time."

"I think it would be best if I left now, as I am not sure if I will recognise him."

"I'll open the.." I said, looking for the remote, and there was a loud bang! Sarie had reversed into the unopened gate.

Steven managed to open it, while Sarie burst into tears, panic stricken.

At midnight, Sarie returned solo. Eddie did not arrive. "Another man 'phoned me and said that Eddie was on his way to the airport but had a dreadful car accident. He is in a coma, and he needed more money from me to pay his hospital bills. But, I don't have any more money. I have sent him my whole pension. All I have left is my small house."

"Your whole pension?"

"He told me that he did not have enough money saved for the plane ticket, and couldn't wait any longer to meet me. He had helped another woman who had, had her money stolen by a scammer, and I was to be very careful of these men. He also had to pay his late wife's funeral expenses, and brother's brain operation. He sounded so kind and also sent me a lovely bouquet of twelve roses, saying that each rose was for each month he have fallen more in love with me."

"Where did you meet him?"

"On Facebook. I was so lonely."

"I watched Carte Blanche and read an article in People, that there are sociopaths out there, but Eddie was so charming and convincing, and had a wonderful sense of humour. Unlike any man I had ever met. "He told me that he had never loved a woman the way he loved me and wanted to marry me."

"I really believed him, and transferred all I had into his account. Eddie said he was a 'man of means' but was having a problem accessing his money from a bank in Switzerland, as they only allowed him to make one annual withdrawal, which was in 90 days time, as it was such a large amount. I really believed him."

"Eddie said he would send a friend to my home with a large suitcase of money to buy a nicer house, and new car and I was to start preparing for the wedding of my dreams."

"Thinking about it, I'm sure I could have met a nice man at Church or a Social Club. Also, at the airport, there was a group of other ladies, wandering about, holding papers with his name. Then they started arguing, so I left."

I'll never forget how shattered Sarie was, and Steven suggested I call her to join us on Christmas day, but she said she did not want to speak to me.